January 06, 2012

Throwing in the Towel

"I throw up my hands
"Oh, the impossibilities"
Frustrated and tired
Where do I go from here?
Now I'm searching for the confidence I've lost so willingly
Overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fear" - Relient K

It didn't work. Well, of course it didn't work - I knew it wouldn't work. But there's always that tiny corner of your mind where you allow Hope to continue clinging despite everything. All the things I had control over were done exactly right, so I guaranteed that it would fail. It still hurts though...

At least now I know and I can stop wondering and prepare myself for the miserable blood test results that are forthcoming. And then I can take a break. I can pretend to be blissfully unaware of all my wretched fertility problems and act like getting pregnant is the farthest thing from my mind.

I don't really have a choice until Matt gets a job anyway. Can't afford to go to a RE until then.

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