September 19, 2012

I am Becoming Immune

After a year and 9 months of this bullshit, I am finally becoming numb to the monthly BFN. It helps that I have figured out the warning sign my body gives me before AF arrives. I always always spot a few days in advance. In more naive times, I would obsessively scour the internet for "proof" that spotting did not necessarily count me out for a BFP. And honestly, you can search for anything online and find "proof". I could probably google "Exercising causes growth of third eye" and would get some hits. But the fact of the matter is, even if *other* women may spot and still get a BFP, I never have. And I have come to accept what the truth is for me personally.

That's hard to do, isn't it? Millions of women get pregnant everyday and we all hear plenty of "helpful" anecdotal advice from some one else's personal experience. But that's *their* experience. *Their* body. Not mine.

Now that I am well and truly over the fact that I will not be a young mother like my mother was, I feel like I could do this kind of forever. I'm not exactly emotionally invested in every cycle the way I used to be. Is this good? Possibly. Is it maybe a little sad too? Probably. Such is life with infertility, huh?

So, let's do another cycle, eh? What do you think: clomid with a trigger or femara with a trigger? I'm ready to be done with clomid and I can finally afford the more expensive femara. But I'm concerned about dosing. Have any of you switched from clomid to femara and did your Dr. seem to know that 100mg of clomid equates to so much femara? Or do you have to start all over again with low doses, increasing each cycle until it works? Cause I don't think I'm up for that... I stand by my promise to myself before my surgery this year: if I can't reliably ovulate each month by the end of 2012, I am taking a big ass break and thinking things over.

I had pretty much fallen off the wagon of taking my metformin reliably for about a month and I'm finally back on schedule. So proud of me. I remember when I went off BCPs and spironolactone in order to TTC, I thought "wow, I will finally stop taking so many freaking pills!" And I am now Laughing My Fucking Ass Off at how young and stupid I was. I am now taking 10 pills a day - more than that while I'm taking clomid!

I feel like this post is kind of all over the place, with non-existent segues between topics... Let's throw one more out there!

Do you know what it takes to get on the show House Hunters? I love that show and I told M when we started looking at houses for real I wanted to apply to be on the show. So after we put an offer on our dream house, I went to the HGTV website and followed the links to the application for the show. Really thought that was it. A week later, I got an email from one of the casting directors for the show! They wanted to know more about us and our home shopping story. So I emailed back a more detailed explanation of our situation. I got another email back! They like our story and are very interested, now please fill out all this paperwork and make a 7 minute video bearing in mind all of these questions and requirements. Also, make your realtor jump through a bunch of hoops and remind her we will pay her NOTHING for her time and trouble. Wow. Why did I think the process would somehow be simpler than that? It would take me at least 2 weeks to get all this completed and by then we'd be closing on the house and moving. There's no way we'd be able to take 5 days out of our work and personal schedules at that point to do all the filming they need. Small dream of reality tv: crushed. Ah well, its a silly dream anyway ;-) I will still get my house.

7 comments:

  1. You asked all the questions that I've had about Clomid vs Femara because I'm considering making the switch too. I'll be excited to see how your readers respond. But I'm wondering...what IS the price difference between Clomid and Femara? I'd heard they were comparable, but now I'm having doubts. I SO hope you can find a plan that works well for you. Fingers are still crossed and I'm staying hopeful! ~ hugs ~

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    1. My Dr. indicated femara as a drug is more expensive than clomid and I'd heard the same from girls on my PCOS forum. However, it being a cancer drug and being used off-label for infertility, sometimes prescription benefits will cover more of the cost than with other infertility meds. So...I guess I'm not really sure! But I'm prepared to shell out more. I only pay $12 for a 5 day supply of 100mg clomid and I've heard Femara can be as much as $45 for one month. I'll keep you posted!

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  2. Femara with trigger! I'm going to blog about my experience with Femara today, but, really, I just can say enough good things. Make the switch!

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    1. I like a good personal recommendation :-) Did you notice a difference (or lessening) of side effects with femara?

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  3. I'm with you where I've sort of moved into the comfortably-numb-a-la-pink-floyd phase of infertility.

    I didn't do Femara - but I think you said it, you feel like you're done with Clomid, then you're done. Onwards and upwards. (You can always go back).

    Ohhh lawdy I could tell you some things about reality tv! My best friend casts for reality television. (I know you're not thinking about it anymore - but usually realtors will jump out of their skin for an opportunity like that if only for people in your town seeing them on TV... beats the hell out of leaving/paying for calendars with their giant face on them).

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    1. Honestly, if I thought our home buying process was going to take a little longer, I would jump through all the hoops they threw at me. But with us wrapping things up pretty quickly...meh ;-)

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  4. I went from Clomid to Femara, and while I can't say that it's the most awesome thing ever (i.e., no BFP yet) I will take Femara over Clomid ANY day. Here's my experience in a nut shell:
    1. Did two cycles of Clomid, one 50, one 100. Didn't do squat for my follicles and made me even more crazy bitch-like than normal. Plus I definitely had some Clomid tummy pooch going on. Not sexy.
    2. I am on my third cycle of Femara - always did 5. Two pills, one in the morning, one at night. The first cycle I got a headache every day I took them. Some baby aspirin always did the trick. After that, no more headaches. No pooch. No raging B'ness going on. While on Femara my cycle shortened up. On the Clomid I was inching up to 38, 39 day cycles. With Femara I ovulated around CD 17. Magic, in my book! I will say though, having done IUI with Femara and trigger, I did not have stellar follicle growth. But I didn't with Clomid either.
    Hope this helps!

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