The summer was a very rough time for me. Several events happened in quick succession, each one dealing a body blow I wasn't prepared for. My emotional cup was overflowing everyday and I had nothing left over to give to the thought of adoption. I was honestly scared that I would never regain the emotional fortitude to move forward with an adoption.
Fortunately, from the very bottom of the barrel, I was able to make the good decision to find a therapist. I've been seeing her weekly since the end of August and it has helped SO. MUCH. I definitely feel less stressed, more in control, and more at ease with the world around me than I have since...probably since my mom's back injury which left her paralyzed. That is a long time to dance around pretending to be okay.
For the first time since June, I think, I am thinking about and reviewing adoption information. From all the research we did earlier in the year, I have chosen 3 adoption agencies to interview. Each one is in a different major city, each roughly within an hour of our house. I would like to have an agency chosen and the paperwork at least started by the end of the year. One of the first major steps with any adoption agency is a workshop or seminar and they are usually group sessions held 4 times a year. If we made a deposit with an agency by January, we could attend a spring info/education session. I fully expect the whole adoption process to take about 2 years and I'm okay with that.
The only thing that remains frustrating for me is I have no one in real life (internet doesn't count) that I really feel totally safe talking to about adoption. My concerns for birthmother education and support seem baffling to most people. Even my therapist said that Ohio has excellent adoption laws which secure the rights of the adoptive parents and isn't that a relief. Well, yes, but I pray I never have to fall back on the security of those laws! I would be horrified if a first mother placed with us and then realized she had made a horrible mistake and had been manipulated by the agency. A well informed woman, making an adoption plan free from coercion is the MOST important factor for me in adoption. If even my therapist can't understand this, then who can I turn to? I am very hopeful that once we choose an agency, we will be connected with other like-minded families. Until then, I will have to cling to people on the internet, like Lori Holden over at Lavender Luz. Her book is quickly becoming my adoption bible.
Hopefully I will be updating this space more often as we really, officially get the ball rolling on the adoption process. I will say as much as I can while maintaining the necessary confidentiality. I tend to write more about my feelings and less about process anyway.